So, a lot of crap and stuff has been happening in my life, it got to the point where my view has gone upside down and end up affecting my mental health. It has been like this for 4-5 Months, I've made a large decision in my life and it hasn't been easy for me. It's not easy to be born in a world with hearing loss, It's difficult for me. Finding a job with that hearing loss is difficult. I understand that you may not see it that way, but it's something I deal with in my life every day. It just feels like a massive brick wall falls in place went you see an interest in a job, and the only reason for that brick wall to existing is my hearing loss. My mental health is slowly deteriorating, so I need to take some time off, urgently.
I'm starting to feel like I have hit a dead end, not seeing the future. It never really helped to get on Teamspeak hearing someone talking behind your back, telling you're wrong or saying why you're not good enough. But they're right to some extent, I'd tend to make awful decisions or even give them a reason to hate me. I felt like shit realising that nothing positive ever happens on it, or I felt left out to times. I always find myself saying "Wait, what going on?" just to feel not left out. When it came to the server, it almost looks like with every decision I made on leaving a role that I wasn't enjoying or felt pressure it felt like having everyone being disappointed at me. But yes, I did decide on becoming that role, but I made a grave mistake on it. Which I need to think twice before acting. I can understand if you see me being an idiot or stupid for these decisions or even thinking like this. But that just how I feel, how I see the picture. It feels awful to play Garry's Mod but I can't force myself to play any longer. I had my fun for a bit as EM, but the pressure got to me with everything happening behind me. I'm sorry if my Lothal Campaign was awful and just bad. It was one of the worst events/campaigns I ever run.
I'm not leaving, it more of a break for myself. To recover my mental health, to get my life back on track. Might even try getting a job that I like, or even doing something I have never done.
I never hated Gateway Gaming, to be frank, I believe to be thankful for it. Before this, I had someone who I can talk to and listen to me. I didn't have that, especially with my hearing loss. I could for the first time have a conversation without saying 'Sorry' or 'What' every moment.
I'm sorry if I let you down, fail you, or just hate my guts. Again, I'm sorry if hurt anyone, upset anyone or cause issues. I just wanted to have a friend to play with.
I will be still around on Teamspeak, probs sitting alone in my channel or on discord.
I'll be on for tonight, to have a last moment on the server for the Campaign.